The Donut Lord
by Queen of the Scoubies
Summary: Lord Voldemort has a score to settle, but with whom? Join the donut lord in his quest for success! R&R plz!


The sun was shining, the birds were singing, muggle's were going to work and Voldemort strolled casually through a graveyard.

"Wormtail! Where are my donuts?" he yelled, his voice reaching the deepest, darkest spaces.

"Coming, my lord!" a small, hunched over man called as he ran over carrying a large box, sucking his over sized teeth. "All two-hundred-and-twenty-five are here!"

"About time! I asked for them minutes ago!" Voldemort hissed as he tapped his foot impatiently.

"Sorry my almighty great lord. The nearest donut king was five miles away/" the one named Wormtail said as he presented the huge pink box emitting aromatic scents and stared determinately at his feet.

"Mmmmouph. No excuses Wormtail!" Voldemort mumbled through a mouthful of his third donut. "You know this is important! I have to beat Snape's record! Give me your arm."

Wormtail offered his arm to his master and cowered in pain as Voldemort touched the dark mark branded into his arm. Within seconds, a dozen masked figures had arrived with a series of pops.

"Look! Voldie's trying to beat my record!" one of the masked men sniggered as they looked at the huge box of donuts at Voldemort's feet.

"My faithful death-eaters, I see you have arrived, this time." Voldemort sneered at them.

"That was years ago, and it was Draco's first day at Hogwarts! I was bound by blood, by Cissy!" another one exclaimed, as Voldemort turned his snake-like eyes on him.

"I don't care, you have a duty to ME!" Voldemort snarled back.

"My lord, I'm with Lucius on this one, have you seen Cissa when she's angry?" a shorted death eater asked.

"No Bella, and I don't care about your sisters anger issues. Now watch me kick Severus's donut-eating-ass! Wormtail, give me those donuts!"

As Wormtail scurried over, Voldemort reached out and snatched the closest donut and shoved it wholly in his mouth. For five minutes he did this, while Severus was muttering "I'm still winning."

"Milk! Give me milk, Rat boy!" Voldemort spluttered five minutes later, and three donuts down. "NOW!" he yelled; bits of donut flying out of his mouth.

"Eeewww! That's gross!" cried the dark hair woman who had taken off her mask and was sitting on a nearby headstone.

The man at her feet also grimaced and determinately looked away. The death-eaters still standing around their master took several steps back and took off their masks to check they were clean.

"Aoh! That's nasty! Look, there's donut on my death mask!" the tall man with long, silver-blonde hair cried as he showed the woman, apparently his wife.

"Only two-hundred-and-twenty donuts to go my Lord." Wormtail muttered to Voldemort, who rubbed his greatly enlarged stomach.

"Oh my god! He looks pregnant!" the blonde-haired witch exclaimed to her sister, "How cute!"

"Wormtail, unbutton my robes, they are stretching against my stomach, and it's most unfashionable." Voldemort ordered Wormtail while stretching backwards.

Immediately obeying his master, Wormtail leant down and unbuttoned Voldemort's robes and started screaming, "MY EYES! HE'S SOOOOO PALE! I'M BLINDED FOR LIFE!" and ran into Severus Snape, who immediately dived to protect his hair.

"Pettigrew! Get a hold of yourself and open your eyes!" Snape yelled before conjuring a Halloween mask of Frankenstein. Putting it on, he grabbed Wormtail's shoulders and moaned, "Let me eat your brain…!"

Screaming senseless nonsense, Wormtail ran back to Voldemort, "Almighty Sun Lord, please protect me! A monster wants to eat my brain!"

"They'll be hungry then, you haven't got a brain for them to eat!" Voldemort mumbled through another donut, before pushing the trembling Wormtail to the ground, "Let me sit on you."

"How far through are you now?" Snape asked after removing his death mask.

"I just finished my twenty-second" Voldemort replied proudly as he smiled to his success.

"Twenty-second? Twenty-second? Ha! And you already look like you're gonna burst!" Snape laughed at Voldemort openly.

"I only have another one-hundred-and-three to go!" Voldemort whined defensively, crossing his arms over his gigantic stomach.

"Give up now old man!" Narcissa warned as she jestingly poked his stomach.

"Cissy, I wouldn't do that!" Bella cried as she saw Voldemort gag, "I think he's filled to the top, literally."

As if on cue, Voldemort bent over and heaved on the terrified Wormtail, making his other 'faithful' death eaters take several steps backwards avoiding him.

"Somebody; make sure he's okay!" Bellatrix exclaimed pointedly looking at Snape.

"What? Not me!" Snape exclaimed.

"Well you're the cause of this!" Bella argued with Snape, her voice getting shrill with anger.

"Am not." Snape argued back.

"Are too! You started to donut-eating thing!" Bella yelled as she raised an eyebrow waiting.

"So?" Snape replied, raising his eyebrow higher than hers, so it was no longer visible.

"So, go check on him!" Bella snapped as she pointed towards Voldemort, her eyebrow in the same place.

"I hate you." Snape snarled as he left. "Voldemort, are you okay?" asked Snape as he cautiously stepped towards his master.

"Does it look like it?" Voldemort replied, looking up at Snape, saliva on his chin, tears in his eyes.

"Well….uh…no." Snape replied looking away to avoid his teary eyes.

"There's your answer. Now leave me alone. You won, GO AWAY!"

"…" Snape stood there stunned.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? GO AWAY!" Voldemort bellowed as he punched the ground in frustration. "IT WAS MINE, MINE, MINE AND YOU TOOK IT! YOU TAKE EVEYTHING AWAY FROM ME. I WAS THE ONE EVERYONE WANTED, NOW ITS YOU, BECAUSE YOU KILLED BUMBLEDORE. WELL! IVE GOT NEWS FOR YOU MISTER! HARRY POTTER IS MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! YOU CAN NOT KILL HIM!"

Just then, there was a pop and Barty Crouch Junior arrived with the daily prophet. Headlining the prophet in huge letters was; 'HARRY POTTER KILLED BY BARTY CROUCH JNR'

"Ahhhhhhh! I hate you allll!" Voldemort screamed as he ran after his fleeing death eaters, brandishing is wand, "I HATE YOU ALLL!"

**Hello…**

**Yes this was another random story by the Queen of the Scoubies…REVIEW and tell me what you think….**

**Mwah**

**Queen of the Scoubies**


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